What Are We Really Afraid Of? The Difference Between Innate and Learned Fears
The Difference Between Innate and Learned Fears
Have you ever wondered why some fears seem to be wired into us, while others develop over time? Why do some people fear rejection more than heights, or public speaking more than spiders?
The truth is, not all fears are created equal. Some are innate- we’re born with them. Others are learned- picked up through life experience, environment, or social conditioning.
Understanding the difference can be a powerful first step towards healing, growth and freedom from limiting beliefs.
Innate Fears: What We’re Born With:
From the moment we enter the world, certain fears are intrinsically hardwired. These serve an evolutionary purpose- to keep us safe.
Here are the four primary innate fears:
1. Fear of Falling
Newborns instinctively react to the sensation of being dropped (a reflex called the Moro reflex). Even babies hesitate when crawling near a perceived drop- this is nature’s way of saying: “Stay safe”.
2. Fear of Loud Noises
Sudden, sharp sounds can cause infants to flinch or cry. This startle response is linked to the nervous system’s survival wiring.
3. Fear of Pain
Pain avoidance is built in- infants recoil or cry when exposed to discomfort. It’s a natural protection mechanism.
4. Fear of Abandonment
While not often listed in textbooks, this one runs deep. Human babies cannot survive without caregivers, so we’re born with a powerful instinct to stay connected.
Separation anxiety reflects this primal survival need.
Learned Fears: What Life Teaches Us
As we grow, the world shapes our emotional landscape. We learn what’s ‘acceptable’, what’s ‘dangerous’, and what’s ‘enough’.
Common learned fears include:
1. Fear of rejection or judgment
Often shaped by school, peers, or critical parenting. It’s rooted in our deep need to belong.
2. Fear of failure
Linked to perfectionism, shame, or punishment. We’re not born with this- it’s taught.
3. Fear of the unknown
While curiosity is natural, uncertainty can become frightening when we associate it with risk or danger.
4. Fear of not being good enough
This one is almost always learned. Often picked up in childhood or through comparison in adulthood, it becomes a heavy backpack many carry for years.
Why This Matters
Understanding the difference between which fears we’re born with, and which ones are learnt can shift everything.
Because what is learned can be unlearned.
When clients realise: “This fear wasn’t always here- I’ve learnt it” something powerful begins to happen. They start to question it. Reframe it. Release it.
Through hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, self-compassion practices, and even simple awareness, we can gently peel back those layers.
You are not your fear.
You were just taught to be afraid.
And that means you can be taught to feel safe, confident, and free again. Gentle Reminder- Right now, you’re living at least one of your dreams. Keep going.
